Sick like a dog.

I have been sick, it is true. I haven’t posted, I know.  I also know the saying is “sick as a dog” but I choose to say sick like a dog because once when I was washing dishes, at a restaurant, while in high school, my manager said that to me, you know, “sick like a dog” and I thought that’s not how the saying goes and then I thought why not? Why the hell not!

The ringworm has taken over my body and I can’t seem to kick it out of me. On top of that, I had a really bad aching back all last week and swollen tonsils some people like to call kissing tonsils, which I think sounds romantic. My tonsils were anything but romantic. I think I am going to share with you a photo of my ringworm just so you know how this fungus can ruin a life! Dramatic, right?

I am heading over to the ex’s apartment in a few to clean out my things. I know what you must be thinking… when did she break up with him? I know, I know, back in March. I just couldn’t get my things yet. It has been too hard. Go collect my things… ahh. Today is the day though. I don’t know what I am going to do though, because he has all of my most important things for safe keeping. MY jewelry that he bought me, my passport and everything else that is valuable. I feel like vomiting.

I was at home this past weekend picking up my cat from my mom’s and visiting with family and the ex asked if he could drive me home to the Poconos to get my cat and I said no thank you. Then I felt bad and invited him to my brother’s BBQ on Sunday which he ended up saying no to. Then! I was at my Grandma’s on Monday and Tuesday watching my little goddaughter and he asked if he could pick me up and drive me home. Is this insanity or just me? So, I said yes we would have a talk and from now on I couldn’t accept anything from him.

The real pain in the ass about this situation is that I don’t hate him. Ideally, I would like him to be in my life. Friendship is a goal, but it just hurts too much to see him. So, on Tuesday afternoon he picked me up from my Grandma’s and we went to a little country restaurant to have our FINAL breakup up conversation. Can you believe it months, later and still discussing the breakup. It is my fault really because he has wanted to know if we could get back together and I have said No, I don’t want to get back together but I can’t say it will never happen. I know that is confusing but I am just not strong enough to say NEVER. Dear god. I did say though that I want to be alone. I am alone and you are alone and we are not together and I am not working towards being together. It was really hard to say but we had just been in the car for an hour and he complained the whole time. Not about me, although he did yell at me while I was on the phone with him at my Grandma’s, but he did complain about everything under the sun. I want to be happy, finally. I don’t want to participate in a negative life or relationship. I want to be happy and I want him to be happy. I hope he can be. I will really miss him though.

So, now I am nervous because I am going to collect my things. Uhh, I have a huge friggin’ painting at his house too. What am I going to do with that? Tie it to my back and hop on the broad street line. Damn.

In the meantime. I kissed someone. So, kill me. That’s another story.