Somebody to Nobody

17 Aug

Saturday I felt weak and helpless. Sunday I felt worse. By the time Monday came I felt like nobody at all.

I see Therapist on Mondays. She asked me about the last time I felt like somebody. There were a few moments here and there but they didn’t stick. She asked me where was the little girl that felt safe and carefree, flirty and fun? I said I couldn’t remember. I said, ” who is that?” And she reminded me I have talked about her, she is there. She asked me if I couldn’t remember the little girl then tell her about who the little girl had become.

That’s when I could see the little girl and couldn’t make out who she had become.

The little girl, She was wearing a white cotton dress that was a little too small for her. She had on red tights and white flats with a huge bow across the top of the toe. She had long, warm hair from the sun and a flirtatious hand up in the air. I still have that girl’s nose, cute and button-like but I don’t have her.

Where did you go little girl? Where have you been hiding?

She was playing by herself but she wasn’t alone. Her dad was around somewhere. They had a watermelon patch and a yelling episode for putting eyeshadow on the cat, Killer. She had her father and he had her and they were all present.

I don’t have him and I don’t have her but I hope they are somewhere together and maybe if I find one, I’ll find the other.

Therapist said I’m squashing my light. I’m squashing her light.

Get the flyers up. Have you seen the girl?

I let her go like paper air planes
How can I explain that I’m lost without you around.
What If I never lost you I wouldn’t have to find you all over and over.
Send her ’round my way
And send her here to stay
Sending light just like a star
Telling me where you are
Embrace me and make me whole.
-TBS

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